• Charlotte Alford


"Now, don't do anything stupid"

Robert Ferguson aka. Grandad.

Day 1

I don't know what it is about me, but I have a habit of doing things that are just plain dumb. For example, not even out of Denpasar Airport and some random guy comes up to me and asks me where I'm staying and if he can come with me. Straight out of Taken scene.

Naturally I said of course.

The homestay seems to have no air conditioning, which, for a ginger Scot who starts sweating the minute it gets over nine degrees celsius, is problematic. Luckily nothing stands between me and cultural experiences, so I showered off my two days worth of travel grime, which was quickly replaced by a new - and soon to be found out - permanent layer of sweat, and headed to the cheapest pub findable on a Tuesday night with my new room mate/probable murderer.

Day 2

Woke up drowning in my own sweat with my probable murderers (since I survived the trip, he shall be henceforth known as Ghazi) body somehow taking over half my bed.

As authentic as I wanted my experiences of Indonesia to be, I hastily left my current furnace of a homestay, mutter something about spilling a litre of water on my bed, and headed for a lovely little pooled up and air conditioned villa right in the centre of town.

Thank God my lovely best friend, Shauna, has now arrived before I pick up anymore strangers for the sole reason that they have the most amazing eyes ever seen.

Day 3

Wanted to do something cultural, so sat at the pool reading our books.

However, Shauna and myself have quickly become addicted to fresh coconuts, so that's something.

Day 4

Very much on the Ryanair standard of boat tours. The only life jackets visible are the two that are currently being used as throw cushions for our nose picking “Captain”.

After some minor engine failure, we were off into the beautiful waters of Indonesia.

While everyone was in the hull, Shauna and myself were lucky to be up top. The views were incredible: the deep blue waters, the disappearing beaches, the sun glistening and our chain smoking captains yellow toed feet. “But, wait. How can he be chain smoking, pick his nose and steering all at the same time”. A good question. The answer being that the steering was very much sacrificed for the need of unblocked nostrils and a nicotine addiction.

We made it to some lovely snorkelling points. Unfortunately I do get motion sickness and I threw up in my snorkel. Both the fish and myself are equally traumatised.

Day 5

Shauna convinced me to get a bikini wax for the first time. When I walked into the beauticians room (Shauna had conveniently needed to pee so I was forced to go first) I was met by a rice cooker filled with wax and a large wooden spoon. Although I do not have anything to compare this to, something tells me this is not official waxing tools. I won't go into the details, but it is safe to say I haven't been able to look at a rice cooker since.

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