"You've got to back yourself, because no one else will do it for you"
- My cousin ... Who probably stole it from some inspiring instagram account
I may seem like things don't actually matter to me or I just get lucky, but don't let the self
deprecating humour fool you, I work my butt off. My time/sleep is organised in a colour coded spreadsheet, I'm worryingly proud of it. At one point I was working so hard that I got my own face printed onto a pillow so that my friends didn't forget what I looked like... and because I refuse to miss a party. Boredom takes a hold of me if I'm not working under pressure, but there was a time when I seriously couldn't remember the last time I had showered. Think that borderlines on a health and safety concern. Also, the girl in Boots was starting to judge how much dry shampoo I was buying, and I was no longer receiving double points for every purchase on my loyalty card.
But no matter what I do, or how hard I work, I always have that feeling like I should have done better. That I should have said this or done that or spoken more or, more likely, kept my trap shut... actually there has never been a situation in life where I've thought "Charlotte, you were maybe a bit quiet", so at least I can tick that one off the list. A young female suffering from Imposter Syndrome... what a cliché I am.
I'm not big on New Years Resolutions, but I'm hoping 2020 will not only be the year of the rat, but the year of Imposter Syndrome Eradication. So, with that in mind, in the most modest way possible, I would like to share with you, my doting fan base, some feedback that I received over the course of 2019.
Side note: This is very cringey. Please feel free to stop reading now.
"You have participated actively in class and your contributions have been of value. In the case studies you have shown that you come to class prepared. Your strongsuit is keeping it simple and not overcomplicating the discourse, I encourage you to do this more and build on this skill."
Paul de Ridder, Co-founder of Waai
"Funny, insightful and relatable. Charlotte was one of the few candidates that wasn’t scared to have a strong opinion and looked beyond facts and stats to the power of emotions. One of my favourites!"
Anonymous JOLTer, but I've been assured it was a real person
"Entertaining and engaging. Brilliant"
Another Anonymous JOLTer, but still real
"[Your Writing] is of an excellent standard. It provides an excellent range of material which is well balanced, contextualised and evidenced- you have posed a really relevant research question which is continuing significance in all aspects of society and your aim and objectives are clear. Your discussions on reflective models are of a very high standard and your structure is excellent as is your use of language."
Dr Paul Thompson
"This is an excellent submission with some outstanding pieces of work. It demonstrates an excellent range of material, supported by substantial, relevant detail. Structurally your work evidences excellent flow, and is clear, concise and entirely appropriate. Your essay is highly diligent if heavy on quotations. Yours discourse was exceptionally wide ranging, with an expertly argued discussion supported by high quality comparative evidence. It demonstrated an excellent use of language which was clear consistent and very readable."
Again, Dr Paul Thompson
"Really refreshing candidate"
Another Anonymous JOLTer... beginning to think they are maybe not real
"Your portfolio was really well structured well written and illustrated. Very good levels of reflective analysis – excellent work. Overall you demonstrated extensive and consistent levels of outstanding professional practice. Your work was well organised and displayed, demonstrating an innovative use of media and creative practice. Highly original creative work and thinking, well done."
I promise I didn't pay him, Dr Paul Thompson
"Really strong thread, great engaging presentation style and clear passion."
One of my imaginary Anonymous JOLTer's
So there you have it. A list of some of the written compliments I received this last year, that made me feel like maybe I was actually on the right track. If you fancy reading more self gratifying comments; I am very lucky to have some amazing friends who are so encouraging. Some inspirational and complimentary quotes from them include:
"Charlotte, you're a mess, but you're a smart mess."
My blunt friend
Every friend I've ever had
"Wow, your hair looks different... did you brush it?"
My best friend
"How do you function? Like day to day? Like see when you leave the flat? How do you make it home?"
An Ex Boyfriend... probably because I failed to find my way back to our flat.